Hidden Valley

Two things i should take note of:
1. I earlier thought that I could post christmas wishes and new year resolutions together since both were about what i wanted. Then I realised that they were different, since christmas wishes are usually beyond your control and are material whereas new year resolutions are about what you can do for yourself
2. I spent the first hour of my new year doing resolutions as in UN kind. Literally, producing new year resolutions. A bit sneaky since the given issues are more broad and its easier to cater to CMB anyway.

Come to think of it, i have no idea what I would have wanted for Christmas — maybe apart from a box of chocolates, perhaps merci (thanks to Miss Siva the other day). I’m sure there was something material I wanted as I sat on the train home, I can’t remember for now — was it the seasons 2 and 3 of Boston Legal or was it something else? As for New Year Resolutions:

1. I will not lie. I will become more honest
2. I will not be indecisive. I will be faster in deciding
3. I will not steal, manipulate others for my cause, cheat, blackmail, destroy/create evidence
   — anything else a lawyer does basically.
4. I will not be lazy or procrastinate. I will work hard.
5. I will spend less time on the com because I think it is a waste of time
6. I will do my AaD and my Lordwist daily
7. I will allocate time wisely i.e. all my subjects and social life and sleep and research
8. I will be honest and direct and hide less. I will say whatever that comes to my mind.
9. I will be less antisocial. I will not “dao” people
10. I will be smarter and more humble. (a bit hard to get any smarter or humbler but well….)

Now to write these Ten things into stone. New year resolutions are MEANT to be broken anyway — much like the ten laws. I can’t understand why people will bother — much like how i can’t understand why people try for perfection when it is impossible to be perfect. It’s my first time bothering with a new year resolution btw. Of course I’ll try with some effort la…They’re all good aims anyway, just without a clear detailed methodological plan as to how it will happen (ah i remember this from Friday).

Oh, and I wish to grow closer to God and read my bible and pray more.

Two twisted policies to deal with Iraq (probably mutually exclusive but may be otherwise)

1. Compulsory Mass Intermarriage (C.M.I.) — to prevent ethnic conflict make everyone this giant family. With a new race of shiasunnikurds, you get true blue iraqis. No more ethnic strife, in the long term at least. And ah, I just say “marriage” to make it sound nicer.

2. The formation of Qaedastan — Oh, The Qaeda is in the west? Give them a state in the West of Iraq. Claim that its the new holy land for their organisation. And it shall be the new place for testing US nuclear weapons.

Yeah yeah, I already know the heck load of the potential problems with both ideas. But damn, it sure is appealing.

The week seems so long and yet seems to have passed so fast. I’ve been going out daily for the whole week despite saying something about wanting to rest at home and just read my book — turns out that I’ve lost drive for now with reading. Talking to a certain someone may very well start to screw me up ><

A swimmer?! Now I’m interested…

My brother is a good kid. My brother is a good kid relative to the bunch i had to handle today. Actually, they were a nice fun energetic bunch — overly energetic, that is. For one, my brother actually sits there to write/draw while talking to me in my/his room. More importantly, he does not climb onto my head. Incidentally, a boy his age (but most thankfully not his size) did so today.

(Brother+175% Energy Points) x20

“iruvyou iruvyou iruvyou~! ^_^”
“kyaa~! uguu~! gaou~! uhn~! No, no, no, getoff, getoff. Don’t come to me go to – ><” (truth be told, i didnt make noise..)

Despite not much being done due to an unusual unexpected unexplained change in circumstances, I had fun, I guess.

But what did I learn? I went with the intention of learning what I can do in tutoring. Most unexpectedly, I have been misinformed about the age group. (Not as if those i may help next year are *that* young) I also went with the intention of looking out for uh, CAS opportunities — to meet the hours and what not. Unlikely that such an objective was met since this thing seems mainly for weekdays where I’m jampacked cos of school…

I’m left to wonder if I’m there truly because I wish to help children or if I’m there for the hours (I don’t think I got any today) or at least personal benefit. Heck, is it considered as personal benefit if I do so because I get a Feel-Good from it? (Hmm, I recall hearing this off a certain TV show)

Whatever.

As if that matters — remember, intentions do not matter, thoughts are worthless. It is the action that counts. It does not matter why I do something, as long as I do it. (I am justifying my habit of complaining but doing the sai-kang task anyway) Giving grudgingly still has the same benefits. Murdering with a cheerful heart is still malicious. I can think that it is inhumane to eat meat, but as long as I continue to eat meat, I still support eating meat. It is the action and the consequences that matter, not the thought. Thoughts, after all, are so subjective. All I need to do is to psyche myself to look at the other angle.

The company (if there is a CEO and it is profit motivated, it is a company) I have been going to for the past four years often likes to say “God loves a cheerful giver”, therefore if don’t just give a bit, give a lot cheerfully. (or some more sweet soundingly masked line) But I’d often ask myself: wouldn’t that mean that God doesn’t love a not-cheerful giver, so if we are not cheerful, we shouldn’t give at all? Biased as i may be, I think I make more sense.

I received an sms on the -afternoon- of Christmas Eve: “Would have bought you a new sports coupe but its the thought that counts”
Hurhur, yeah well, I would have gotten a Shotgun for myself for a certain purpose , but I guess the thought is enough…

Perhaps we can even say that if one really had such a thought/want, they will do all they can to achieve it. If I say I want to watch I Am Legend and Warlords (this is for real btw) but decide to just laze around and do nothing about it — can we really say that I want to watch those two movies?

Since I have been asked to go uh do some other thing that involves my brain and time, I shan’t bother organising this muchly scatter-gunned post.

(Eh, why is there a Tag “school”, I didn’t talk about school what, as in really!)

No doubt I have created (muchly unintentionally due to a severe misinterpretation) a big hoo-ha over lunch. Experience tells me that excitement dies down within a week, there are however some Long Run questions posed require a lot more rigourous thought processes from me.

But that was not the main focus of the day that got me thinking. It was dwarfed by whatever that followed *after* I left. It is most unfortunate that I am not allowed to make mention because of its uh, high level of confidentiality and privacy involved. Then again, not as if I’ll post something descriptive involving people anyway.

The event (and side discussion in the afternoon) has led me to consider Lloyd’s Effort-Results Curve again.

1. If Results/Effort gradient < 1, the effort is not worth it
2. Occasionally there is no correlation between effort and results.

To discount those two arguments, one has to be determined to get what one wants such that a Results/Effort gradient is <1 is still worth it. On an even more extreme level, a Short Run Results/Effort gradient of <0 is worth continuing with hope that in the Long Run things will change. In addition to that, one has to be idealist and hopeful that there is a correlation between Results and Effort. Above all, they are sure about what they want. If you ask me (the curve maker), some people just have more “hope”, more determination, more brave but may not necessarily change anything. I could possibly use an example to explain but that’d be revealing too much at other’s expense.

On the other hand, we have the lazy people who’ll sit back and let life happen to them (whom a certain someone can’t stand ><) — who might be having a comparatively better situation with greater potential provided they tried.

The thing is: we lack information. We really won’t know what the outcome is. We most certainly won’t know what the other cards that are being played are. In fact, we wouldn’t know what exactly the Results/Efforts slope is. Thus basing down to whether or not a person is risk averse or risk-preferring.

What we need is a MaoGeass/crystal ball God’s help. We may not have all the information but God does. We may not have all the Power and ability to set the Inevitables but God does. After all, we may not be sure sometimes if we really want what we want in the long run. Talk about the Tragedy of Life, that of getting what you want and regretting it. If anything, I think that God makes a better decision than me. (dare you dispute this)

But I digress, I am no doubt impressed (by mere observation) in the large amounts of effort and resources and time put in for what I’d consider to be a situation that doesn’t look good already. Honestly, honestly, impressed. Because I wonder what I would have done in that situation…naught?

Right now it is 4am, I’ve had four hours of sleep and I will hopefully get more in the afternoon after I come home. ALso, I have been very annoyed with my rashes on my chest/shoulder that I have to take my concoction of orange juice and green tea with mashed apples and milk. It’s quite mild already if you ask me. I’ve had worse. I’ll probably stay up till sunrise to compile the FS for friday.

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” says Winston Churchill. I’d say get out.

I was reading psalms 22 and I was amused at the number of references that the Psalmist David made to the work of Jesus on the cross. Psalms 22 in case you didnt know comes right before the often quoted psalms 23. (Lucky Star makes one receptive to references) Admittedly, some parts may be considered as over-reading

22:1 “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

22:10 “From birth I was cast upon you, from my mother’s womb you have been my God”

22:14 “I am poured out like water…”

22:16 “a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet”

22:18 “They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing”

22:31 “They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn – -for he has done it”

It is finished!

Amazing how this can be written so long before the real event itself happened. The Psalmist was praising Jesus long before he came! There’s probably even more meaning to it.

No doubt — not much reflection can be put into words here but showing a passage that may not be read by some is like the daily sending of one artic-

you men of little faith!

I heard this rather faith preacher lately (whom some, esp the more senior ones, consider rather extreme) — trust God to wake you up every morning, don’t bother with an alarm clock.

The reason why I wouldn’t do away with my alarm clock is very simple: I do not think that I will be awoken for the simple reason that God probably knows that I *need* the sleep. I am hoping to get 7hours a night ideally next year though. (and it’s 2am now already)

But let’s extend a bit of logic — we wouldn’t need to lock our doors either (which I wouldn’t mind), or even get insurance. Insurance after all is a waste of money to those who have enough confidence that they won’t get some disease or have their house burnt down.

Giving it some thought — I think why not? (despite being personally risk averse) I’m personally no gambler, but could it be argued that if you try preparing for a rainy day — the rainy day may come? I’ll need to give the issue a bit more thought.

But I don’t think i have much faith in the system of insurance. It is not in the interest of insurance companies to be giving out so much money as compared to collecting money from clients. I’d personally think that as much as they would try to uphold an image of trying their best to do all they can (which can be achieved via advertising), they will in reality try to cut down on costs – -the main cost being payouts to clients. The internal conflict of interest by a profit-motivated company is just too great. Their interest is most obviously to cut costs and maximise profits, not help people. Pardon this very cynical point of view — but I think that insurance companies and its agents like all people do want to earn as much money as possible.

If profit motive was a bad thing, why not have the a larger, more powerful body that udepends on taxes and not payment to oversee it? I’d have to give it more thought.

On a side note, it is Strange that while having property burnt down is at a lower probability and lower magnitude of harm than getting run over by a car, people still jaywalk anyway but buy property insurance.

Back on the issue of Safety Nets and what extent I’d apply them. I’d have to think more about it and consult people who are wiser and more senior to find out their thoughts. I shall do so later today. It may very well place them in an interesting dilemma as well hehe. But for now, Im setting the alarm clock for 8am.

btw, I really have a smashed up alarm clock in my drawer.

My mum decided to scrap Cable. The art of subtle manipulation succeeds once again. On the other hand it may be ineffective in taking so long. For long I’ve been saying that cable just isn’t worth it. I never did like watching TV. I never did watch. I thought it pointless. To me, it is only worth it if the whole family (and as many people as possible) get to watch it for more than half the day at least (for as long as possible). The cost of that may be frightening — electricity, deproving grades, lowered productivity and the list goes on. The main focus here is on the damaging values TV spreads (particularly, but not limited to, Channel 8 TV series) Of course it isnt all bad, don’t be ridiculous and tell me that news/the Wheel of Fortune don’t have these effects. I am talking about the specific genre of drama that tries to portray reality. It often has a spice of romance to it.

My point of view is that TV introduces an adult world with adult value of what adults do to children leading them to have an urge for relationships (no, not sechs yet). Any form of attraction or even friendliness from the opposite gender is branded by the child as “crush”/romance. (After all, it is a fine line between the two.) Maybe the sex that the TV throws across does not leads directly to more promiscuity. People starting relationships earlier while not mature enough is the cause. Over the years, there has been an increase in tv viewership by children, this is rising with the number of relationships that start from a younger age and the increase in pre-marital sex. If people start having a relationship earlier, they have longer to wait till a marriable age. Perhaps there may not be a link between seeing and doing, but this isn’t about influence. It’s about introducing ideas that children are not ready for which they will associate what happens in the real world with what the tv shows.

Wait wait, I take the previous paragraph back: a later marrying age has led to more pre-marital sex. Considering people’s hormones are most active at 13+ and they used to get married then… oh well, social norms have changed, especially with the need to become educated and work. Well! We can’t do anything about a later marrying age, we can only remove the factor of tv! TV IS EVIL.

Should we bubble wrap our kids? No, but there is no need to expose them to toxins in the name of developing their maturity. It can happen naturally and gradually in the same way people discovered the real world without television. In fact, by blocking off tv, we’re not bubble wrapping our kids from reality, we’re bubble wrapping them from a form of reality that the TV prescribes — even if you say its not perverse in and of it self, kids just aren’t ready yet.

But apart from kids, the whole idea of Wrist Slashing has been promoted. It shows people the wrong ways of coping with depression all in the name of drama. No doubt, they may happen in the real world. But tv popularises it. It shows more people a way of dealing with a problem — wrist slashing happens to be one of them.

Then again, maybe promoting wrist slashing is a GOOD alternative to jumping off buildings or slashing downwards from the wrist to the elbow (which is more deadly). This assumes that the people who cut their wrists would otherwise be far more suicidal– which is unlikely.

In any case I think that wrist slashing is stupid and pointless and carried out by fumbducks. I have no sympathy really unless you stop. If someone came up to you and slashed your wrist, you have every drop of sympathy from me.
If you slash yourself, you’re a fumbduck.

“Augh, I’m in emotional pain! Let me add to it by causing physical pain!”
*slashittyslashslash*
“Owwwww….it hurts. owwww….. lemme convince myself that my heart feels better!”
“Oh *(#&, BLOOD! BLOOD! omgomgomg!” *presses tissue*
“my friends can’t see me like that — i need a watch to cover it up”
“aw crud, i slashed my left hand, that means i have to wear my watch on the WRONG hand”
/face palm.

Oh go ahead and justify why slashing your wrist is ok, but please get a life after that – -and more importantly, i hope you stop. Self-hurt without pleasure is a dumb way of solving one’s problems.

On another note, i think people aren’t seeking help for wrist slitting because it may very well end up as a police case. shrugs.

Instead, i propose watching cartoons as the uber alternative! How emo can cartoons get, how depressing can cartoons get. Will cartoons promote ideas about romance or harem? Will cartoons encourage polygamy or harem? Will cartoons tell viewers that kitchenkniving each other as an end?

Uhh…..
Even if they do, there’s too great a fantasy element and its distinct from real-life! It’s not by real people! Sure, people can tell that robots running around or being able to LOAD SILVER CARTRIDGE is fake. There will not be a mix of values >< And it serves as a form of escapism!

Don’t slit your wrist, get addicted to a cartoon series or anything else. Addiction is a good thing, it removes suicidal tendencies. 

I am right now in a rather reflective mood over a number of issues — most of which have no relevance with this post. It is approximately 3am by now about an hour plus since my last convo.

One wonders: perhaps sometimes people know more than you think they do or at least more than you do. There ought to be certain things that caused people to say certain things. More often than not, its something you don’t know, but there’s always a reason for it. Even if it may be a mere coincidence or casual remark, I’d believe that inevitability has set a reason for it or at least people’s good instinct may have brought it about.

There are few rules of life (they get more and more each time) one of them is to listen to advice as much as possible. Especially from more experienced people and people who know more about certain issues.

Another rule of life: never make anyone angry. As far as possible, avoid it. Regardless of whether its expressed or bottled up — the outcome can’t be nice either way. Heck, the side of me in control right now thinks that it is highly probable that some things go against my interest to uphold this principle. Then again, I have committed some grievances as well… Obviously, this applies to all people but receiving special warnings may mean an additional caution sign. Perhaps in such instances, I should stay away… It is after all better to be safe than to be kitchenknived sorry (dumdumdum, consequences.)

But is there more to just avoiding anger? What about never wanting others to be sad? what about always wanting others to be happy? These three may be one and the same but I’d think that the last two are greater. The first about Anger Aversion is an action that seems largely driven by self interest maybe even fear. The last two are more altruistic in my opinion. I think that nobody is able to show care and concern to someone they don’t care about regardless of the benefits that may follow. No doubt benefits may follow — but they are not the main focus, it’s true care and concern.

And that surprisingly is what I am striving for. Despite how cynical or pessimistic or even pragmatic, I have come to view friends not as mere “means to various ends” or income. I believe that they are in and of themselves valuable. (I’d rather not tag any terms to it right now, knowing the bad word choice and propensity to use a word with connotations of objects)

The thing is — it’s never easy. Not that I don’t want to, but I just don’t know what to do. I’d think I’m a rather bad source of comfort. Its not that I do not sympathise, I just can’t express it. Is silently observing while present the most that I am able to do? Perhaps a prayer I can offer even.

Right at this late hour (or rather early hours in the morning),  I’ve come to see Jesus more as a friend. Someone who is for sure available in my time of need. As a person who is extremely indecisive, that seems to be essential. Heck, it’d be essential even if i was more decisive. But giving it more thought has led me to realise that we don’t only spend time with our friend’s when we are sad, we want to when we’re happy as well. We want to as much as possible.

Reflections in this post-midnight hours have given me greater insight about Jesus and Man and myself. Yet, in any case, we must be wary of those who have bad intentions. I have heard of a story of a severe backstabbing recently driven by jealousy. Often when i used the term “judas” this year (for reasons of pur efun and teasing) I mean something more like Pang-Seh or abandonment. But on a more realistic note, this should be reserved for actualy plotting and turning against someone. Yes, people like that do exist. And I trust that Jesus will open our eyes and give us wisdom to discern who may bring harm to us and who we may be able to depend on.

I decided to quickly add a cover up post to remove the main focus from my more bitchy entry.

The Golden Compass reminds me of Code Geass in how it is able to seek the truth. Lelouch’s Geass allows him to control people ONCE. Mao’s Geass allows him to read the mind of anyone within a certain area. I am inspired to rewatch the series suddenly (before the sequel comes out!)

Today I was faced with several choices i.e. who to watch the movie with, whether to smuggle in Chips or buy popcorn, whether to buy sweet or salted, whether to get my book at kino or borders, whether to buy the last book today or to wait to borrow discount cards and buy another day?

• Who to watch movie with: whoever i was with then.
• Whether to smuggle in chips or buy popcorn: popcorn.
• whether to buy sweet or salted: both
• whether to get my book at kino or borders: kino was nearer, i found my book but decided to go to borders to check if there was a lower price
• whether to buy the last book today or wait for discount cards: Oh damn, borders didn’t have the book at all. Should I go back to buy it? Considering that it was raining heavily then and the tunnel/pathway from station to wisma was congested by people and that I would not save $3 off the book– do you think I went back to buy the book?

(where’s the hot water when i need it, sneeze)

Today I went to assess the movie that has gotten so much talk from churches, christians and parents. In fact, I went looking out for things to nitpick on in fact (and see the Big Polar Bear Aslan and Nicole Kidman as the White Witch). It hardly occurred to me how it could be in any way anti christian. Caveat: I’m talking  only about the movie here. I don’t care if the book is anti-christian, since the complaints yadda yadda are mainly to stop people from watching the movie. We must bear in mind that movies more often than not leave out a lot of material frm the original text and would prefer to leave out the controversial bits really.

The Golden Compass never did attack religion or God itself. Perhaps it did bring in alternative fantasy ideas such as daemons outside the body or Dust and other dimensions but many movies do as well without getting accused of being anti-Christian. Its central theme was more of how a governing organisation has too much power. The movie looks at the abuse and scandals of this huge governing Magisterium. Looking at how Nicole Kidman talked about the Magisterium deciding for people because they’re not smart enough to decide for themselves and how it is important to be obedient to the Magisterium, it seemed more like an attack on authority than religion. I wonder why the film has not been censored yet. “deciding for the people because they’re not smart enough to decide for themselves” does after all sound vaguely familiar….

Even if it was not attacking the government but drawing parallels to the church, it is not making an attack on God or the Christianity. It is pointing out the mistakes and abuse that Man make when placed in such positions. It’s exactly how Galileo was condemned as a heretic by the Church of his day despite his valid discoveries of the earth going around the sun instead of the other way round. And yet i don’t recall any history books mentioning this incident to be condemned as anti-christian. Any of such incidents or scandals or errors are not the fault of God or the religion, but the fault of Man. Ergo bringing up such instances does not equate to attacking the religion either!

If anything, it’s an attack on the Catholic Church/the Vatican, perhaps they’re truly an organisation with “governmental powers” (not to mention all sorts of Vatican Scandals for a long time in history). It’s only because similar scandals had happened before that the Catholics feel that the movie is picking a bone with them. Intercission, inquisition — what’s the difference? Nabbing children and paedophile priests — what’s the difference? In fact, I thought one of the actors on the bad side looked a bit like a certain current pope….

Which makes me wonder why so many “protestant”/non-catholic churches are speaking out against this movie. It puzzles me really. Perhaps some catholic person forwarded the email to her non-catholic friends by mistake -_-

Honestly, if an organisation did not commit similar abuses of power/attempt to remain in power through underhanded means, why would they have to speak up against a movie that attacks the abuse of power/attempts to remain in power? The issue certainly is not about turning people away frm God or causing their faith to falter — as if a mere movie is able to do that. And even if it could, then anything could! Surely we Christians need to have more faith!

I can’t understand, it’s probably some parental hype but things are getting overboard if even POKEMON starts getting regarded as demonic!

The irony of it all? By trying to speak out against the movie, it proves the book’s point in trying to show the Church as some all-powerful influential organisation that has a strong hold on people and being able to make people do as they say.