The conscience is irrational

Irrational btw is my polite way of saying Boosheet.  I happen to be sick for the week. And tomorrow happens to be a day with no lessons, instead some lame celebratory thing of handing out awards which i’m sure all of us are looking forward to. Imagine all the things we can do: apart from clap and clap and clap and .. nothing. It’s what i have considered for four years to be meaningless, with no purpose or benefit or even the slightest reason for being there.

No doubt i have made it a resolution not to skip  — wholly out of pragmatic purposes, in case i miss something that is important. It is unlikely that i would want to skip on any day. Lessons are very important and in fact now they are enjoyable much like last year where they were inflicted with things like chemistry.

But I am not skipping — I’m ill.  Medically and legally, I can be exempt from what i deem pointless. And for some reason, I’m actually thinking of going tmr. If i were to go tmr, I should laugh at my intelligence and detest how much my mind has degraded into raw stupidity. Why the hell — would i even consider. I am quite concerned that I might really go for no apparent reason. The irrationality!  Am i a son of a fool?

Because it’s the right thing.
Hell, as if i ever gave a damn about that!

 

The Dilemma (part three)

After submitting the Subject Options Form, I am now in the usual math vs english dilemma for the third time. The first and more recent second time has led to math winning and me filling it in the form.

On the criteria of Usefulness, Math is ruled to be more useful in terms of opening options especially for uni in Econs. On the other hand, the other side of me would like to point out that it might be unnecessarily too useful and link it to my Effort-Results Curve philosophy of the Optimal Efficiency. It would also argue that the usefulness of math is predicated on the assumption that I will do well in it otherwise it is as good as useless anyway — which leads to the criteria of achieving the higher score but we’ll get to that later.

One must consider the long term implications of the options in order to guage “usefulness”; in other words, the underlying question to be considered here is — to what extent is it necessary to be useful in keeping options open? Some things are ruled out for sure such as engineering. The only assholic thing i might take that requires math is economics. One side of me would say that economics might have a high chance of being taken up, so it is better to leave the options open especially when political science and law aren’t exactly thriving in singapore. It’s just not in the nature of people to sue. The other side would say that economics can be done using SL math (i.e. NUS) and even if economics requires HL math, I shouldn’t be doing it anyway! Not to mention the alternatives of pol sci and law which i may enjoy more! DOng something I enjoy may give me a greater meaning of life considering that i am not one who has high expectations of luxuries like big house, big car, yacht etc.

On the criteria of Maximum Score, English has a better track record for the whole year with the underlying logic of how it complements my natural skill sets i.e. how there is a greater oral component and how it is essay and not equation based. This is contrasted with my weaker track record for math especially the coursework. On the other hand, the other side of me would point out that English has a greater tendency to be subjective and fluctuate (both david and i have eaten the worse end before) Also math becomes more stable once practising till a certain point of excellence.

Having seen the clash between the more important issues and how they almost totally negate each other, what is left are the more peripheral side issues such as:

Classmates — tying in to the larger picture of the pragmatic criteria: what is best for me? (i have earlier clarified friends out of the issue since i believe that class is no boundary. Heck, i even have friends from rj/hc what) Currently, the Math combi will mean a repetition of whatever i have gone through for the past two years, not very nice or even conducive. The English combi will probably have the geps whom i am more friendly/familiar with. Someone raised the (probably valid) point on Overshadowing. This point is moot looking at the people in class either way. Plus overshadowing because of the presence of other good people may not necessarily be true. This is because it may raise the overall marks of the class as a whole. It is much like how a bad debate can pull down everyone’s scores. Proof: I did survive history and lang arts (both papers and presentatiions) even tho they were marked by the same markers at the end of the year.

Teachers — this one is really small. But I am hoping to get one certain teacher for history. I am hoping the other teachers are good also which made require me to sit through lessons for a week or two (and illegally, skip class to attend the other class’ lesson >< This is hardly advisable ) Since this one is MEANT to be negligible i hope either option will not affect this criteria.

ssenevisicedniymrofdevomersllabymevahotthguoi

On all of the questions mentioned, I am unable to come up with a clear answer. It must be the fault of how i am trained that i am able to believe in any side of an issue and substantiate it.

What is left apart from the reasoning is instinct, in which case, i will probably take english instead.

All i can do now is to pray. Father, I know my future is in your hands. Come to think of it, no matter what i take the difference in Long Term Outcome is probably trivial. I have come to realise that most of our choices are, but nevertheless are stil things to choose between.

What I propose: observe how class is for the a period of time and see which i am more comfortable in.

 

Try harder!

No doubt I have created (muchly unintentionally due to a severe misinterpretation) a big hoo-ha over lunch. Experience tells me that excitement dies down within a week, there are however some Long Run questions posed require a lot more rigourous thought processes from me.

But that was not the main focus of the day that got me thinking. It was dwarfed by whatever that followed *after* I left. It is most unfortunate that I am not allowed to make mention because of its uh, high level of confidentiality and privacy involved. Then again, not as if I’ll post something descriptive involving people anyway.

The event (and side discussion in the afternoon) has led me to consider Lloyd’s Effort-Results Curve again.

1. If Results/Effort gradient < 1, the effort is not worth it
2. Occasionally there is no correlation between effort and results.

To discount those two arguments, one has to be determined to get what one wants such that a Results/Effort gradient is <1 is still worth it. On an even more extreme level, a Short Run Results/Effort gradient of <0 is worth continuing with hope that in the Long Run things will change. In addition to that, one has to be idealist and hopeful that there is a correlation between Results and Effort. Above all, they are sure about what they want. If you ask me (the curve maker), some people just have more “hope”, more determination, more brave but may not necessarily change anything. I could possibly use an example to explain but that’d be revealing too much at other’s expense.

On the other hand, we have the lazy people who’ll sit back and let life happen to them (whom a certain someone can’t stand ><) — who might be having a comparatively better situation with greater potential provided they tried.

The thing is: we lack information. We really won’t know what the outcome is. We most certainly won’t know what the other cards that are being played are. In fact, we wouldn’t know what exactly the Results/Efforts slope is. Thus basing down to whether or not a person is risk averse or risk-preferring.

What we need is a MaoGeass/crystal ball God’s help. We may not have all the information but God does. We may not have all the Power and ability to set the Inevitables but God does. After all, we may not be sure sometimes if we really want what we want in the long run. Talk about the Tragedy of Life, that of getting what you want and regretting it. If anything, I think that God makes a better decision than me. (dare you dispute this)

But I digress, I am no doubt impressed (by mere observation) in the large amounts of effort and resources and time put in for what I’d consider to be a situation that doesn’t look good already. Honestly, honestly, impressed. Because I wonder what I would have done in that situation…naught?

Right now it is 4am, I’ve had four hours of sleep and I will hopefully get more in the afternoon after I come home. ALso, I have been very annoyed with my rashes on my chest/shoulder that I have to take my concoction of orange juice and green tea with mashed apples and milk. It’s quite mild already if you ask me. I’ve had worse. I’ll probably stay up till sunrise to compile the FS for friday.

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” says Winston Churchill. I’d say get out.

 

Cover up post: Golden Compass

I decided to quickly add a cover up post to remove the main focus from my more bitchy entry.

The Golden Compass reminds me of Code Geass in how it is able to seek the truth. Lelouch’s Geass allows him to control people ONCE. Mao’s Geass allows him to read the mind of anyone within a certain area. I am inspired to rewatch the series suddenly (before the sequel comes out!)

Today I was faced with several choices i.e. who to watch the movie with, whether to smuggle in Chips or buy popcorn, whether to buy sweet or salted, whether to get my book at kino or borders, whether to buy the last book today or to wait to borrow discount cards and buy another day?

• Who to watch movie with: whoever i was with then.
• Whether to smuggle in chips or buy popcorn: popcorn.
• whether to buy sweet or salted: both
• whether to get my book at kino or borders: kino was nearer, i found my book but decided to go to borders to check if there was a lower price
• whether to buy the last book today or wait for discount cards: Oh damn, borders didn’t have the book at all. Should I go back to buy it? Considering that it was raining heavily then and the tunnel/pathway from station to wisma was congested by people and that I would not save $3 off the book– do you think I went back to buy the book?

(where’s the hot water when i need it, sneeze)

 

…

No doubt, my energy and flame has been rekindled for something important to me lately. It’s been a few weeks now. Perhaps I was never really in a true state of fatigue and apathy — judging from my actions at least.

But of late, I realised that I’m gradually losing joy in something else. A by-product of too much thinking perhaps.

If these two were to clash, should it not be obvious what the rational decision will be?

On a side note — i’m right now in a dilemma 1am in the morning — is getting food worth the effort of getting out of bed? It’s a clash between laziness and hunger.

 

The Dieter and ice-cream

We have a dieter by the name of sam (the most common name i kn0w, any resemblance is purely purely coincidental) or should i say dietress, according to my rather reasonable generalisation from common observation — that is more common.

Sam’s favourite food is Ice Cream. But wait, ice cream is fattening because it contains simple sugars. The body is meant to break down proper food into sugar and not obtain sugar externally directly. Ice cream is fattening and Sam doesn’t want to get fat because she’s a dietress. (Yes, a dietress)

Sam could do the following:

a) not eat ice cream at all — that way Sam wouldn’t get fat. Success right? But this is imba (/unbalanced, like how its too much of a good thing) because the cost is sort of great — Sam really wants to eat the ice cream… This in my opinion isn’t worth it (then again, in my opinion, we shouldn’t restrict ourselves either. Come HEDONISM!)

b) substitute ice cream in place of proper food — if i have a calorie budget, it’s going to my favourite food. Screw rice and uh… nutrition? If I value ice cream more than health, perfectly worth it.

Ahh, horror horror, I didn’t expect to get this when i searched for “Hot babe sunbathing at beach”/”fat chick on beach” my friend sent this to me (considering she’s quite skinny hehe *winks*) I laugh. I’d rather look at an Evil Clown right now… okay, maybe not.

c) take low-fat/calories ice cream — This will work assuming that Sam does not eat more ice cream. This will not work because Sam will eat more ice cream. Let’s suppose that the ‘Limit’ on how much ice cream Sam eats in a day is because of a guilt factor (what some people call ‘sinful’). The impression that the ice cream has less calories will lower this guilt factor, causing her to eat more ice cream. In the same way that mandatory seat belt regulations would make people more reckless…. or how when i went for tuition some time back, i ended up not studying at all.
Oh well, too bad for Sam. If she ends up taking in more calories when the increase in serving is greater than the decrease in calories per serving (or should i say percentage increase/decrease), its her fault for not calculating properly.

d) puke it out — yes, bulimia, after eating your dinner and ice cream, induce vomiting. That way, you wouldn’t get fat (: Question: How the heck do you induce vomiting? Probably take pills (which may be poisonous) and to stick your fingers down your throat (which isn’t too effective) Ouch at the process of puking. Eww at the outcome of puking. I wouldn’t want to taste my dinner twice. Not worth the effort.

The Lloyd Solution that I don’t recall anyone coming up with, its the GOLDEN MEAN between anorexia and bulimia. Perfect balance. Don’t completely abstain and avoid the ouch and eww of seeing your dinner again.

E) Eat all you want, but do not swallow, spit it out. Brilliant isn’t it? Like this, you wouldn’t get fat and you get to enjoy the cold sweet ice cream. Great success.

Don’t swallow, just spit it out.
.

.

.

But anyway, on the counterintuitive  “seatbelt hypothesis”, I think it varies from person to person and his or her degree of consciousness. A more safety conscious person will not drive more recklessly just because the cost of an accident is lower. Likewise, a work conscious person is stil going to carry on with a normal workload even with tuition. Sam can very well eat the same amount of ice cream with low-calories and it’d work out (oh oh, Sam can go Work Out, but I’d never suggest something like that, slobbery and slothism for the win).

Plus, I’d also assert that Sam is already eating to his limit (for me, the limit to ice cream is the End of the Box) Having less calories in his ice cream or any other reason is not going to make her eat more. This assertion however is flawed because it is clear that she is *restraining* herself already, in otherwords eating below her limit (that, is after all what a diet is)

But my solution still wins, Low fat does not mean no fat (lol, low crimes does not mean no crime) No fat is better than low fat.  I re-emphasise my point:

Don’t swallow, just spit it out.

 

the currency of time

So i can spend my time reading these stack of books i have. They’re mainly econs/God related, a bit into politics/history. I don’t know where to start. I read a bit of everything and have only completed a few.
or i can spend my time trying to level up my math, which is probably most ‘useful’ or even necessary? This however is the most tedious. sigh.

or i can be going out with various people like i have been doing for the whole week

or i can watch anime which has been cut down to Two episodes a week or a movie. i still have a few unwatched ones in mind — the illusionist is waiting.

or i can read a manga — currently, i’m into detective shit, so exciting, and its a good intellectual treat

or i can waste my time on msn and the web which im trying to cut down on, pretty succesfully since my msn activity is intentionally low. Msn is (to quote diaz) “such a waste of time”

or i can even be working out… as unlikely it is for me to get out of bed (shuddup, i can hear you laughing)

heck, what do i do? And i already struck games (star ocean, tales of phantasia, final fantasy, dragoon) off the list

what do i -think- about even, i have a truckload of stuff awaiting me to plan etc…
Or even things to decide between for that matter…

And I end up stoning on my bed with nothing in mind.

FOOD!!! =D

but i won’t be sleeping, somehow.

 

Moral irrationality 001

It is often assumed that a person is rational in all his actions. Rationality is defined by doing “what is best” for one self. Thus far, my thinking is mainly shown through pragmatism and practicality.

Of late however, my actions have been seen to be irrational. For a long time, it was never hard to fall ill on certain days (i.e.flu/diarrohea/nasi lemak poisoning, so can’t swim/go for celebration) but on Tuesday, where there was a fire drill and chinese karaoke, i actually was well and fine, surprisingly. 17 others however were all ill. The air must have been bad in class. If there was anything simulated about the fire drill, it was the scorching fireball in the sky. Not like a fire will happen. Missing out on a drill won’t really be much of a loss..

And once more today, I didn’t go home at 10 to collect my geog book for my o levels in the afternoon, being the remaining less than ten in class (before i went to a certain place to sleep) to do virtually nothing. Yeah sure, i like doing absolutely nothing in class.

Alright, so i have cleared my locker and returned my school library book and received my report book… what’s left in school? Finally, after considering for a short while whether or not i’ll be well enough to go for the last day of school, it turns out that today wouldn’t be the last day i wear the black tie. It turns out that i’ll be carrying tables tomorrow. Great joy.

All of these are without a reason. It can be considered to be an action that is irrational. Yet I’m going ahead anyway.
I’d like to find out why.

I must admit though, i don’t regret going for tuesday since the karaoke was quite an experience (and watching C emcee) C however has been a very positive peer pressure in managing to convince me to go to school (and subdue the demon of laziness). Pity I won’t be seeing him tomorrow afternoon.

Perhaps it isn’t a moral issue: To rationalise my course of action and look at it as a comparison of benefits — i have two options a) go b) don’t go. A is driven by laziness and the need to rest/ the opportunity cost of staying at home etc. B is driven by…? Most probably the possibility that something good may happen if i get out of the house and interact with others. But isn’t that too, as irrational as gambling? Not so, if you compare it to staying at home and cutting away the possibility totally.

Often people think that “I must go, otherwise i may get into trouble”
A more positive way would be to think that “I must go, otherwise i may miss out on good opportunities”

Perhaps my laziness has been trumped by the possibility for opportunities to take place?

 

The Dilemma (till early next year)

“In life, there is always the presence of crossroads where major decisions have to be made.” How apt to have been the first line of my 3000+ word project last year (on junior colleges, my dilemma for last year)

And this photo was used for my ISO poster that scored me pretty high (thanks madam m—-)

It’s quite a simple dilemma — IB subject options and it can be summed up as:
Higher Math versus Higher English — which should i take? No doubt, a post of boredom, i would have preferred to lay off academics on the blog but it cant be helped if it will be the question taht bugs me for the next two months.

Basic logic: consider the criterias involved (floh would laugh at me here for my parkpole/metrerule)
Criteria 1: What is best for myself?
Taking whatever that benefits more/is more important to uni and in the long run.
In other words, this results in “Friends ” having a lower priority =\ since friends come and go, and while i have opened up a lot more this year i stil keep the belief that a lot of things are still pretty much temporal. We’ll all make new friends anyway and being in the same class is not a prerequisite anyway. Furthermore there are some who WILL be in different classes already anyway (i.e. SB in my class and E who may take HL chem *cough* urk)

Enjoyment probably also goes down the line. Besides, enjoyment is moot — i like math on the same level as i like reading LIT (lit ><) somewhere in between. I also think that enjoyment can be cultivated. Furthermore people do not do well because they enjoy the subject (i mean i like bio, somewhat) but they enjoy it because they do well.

Which leads to
Criteria 2: Which is more important — getting a a)higher total score or b) fulfilling prerequisite subjects
A higher score will be helpful for a scholarship (which i’ll prob need to not go NUS) and getting admissions but prerequisite subjects are course specific.

Which leads us on to
Criteria 3a: Overall points — would math or english give me a higher total points?
3a. Higher English is not much different from SL english apart from having four more books and a bit harsher on marking.
Math on their hand is supposedly having a larger difference. The total from HL eng SL math would be higher than SL eng HL math since it dips more for math and virtually none for eng (or so i speculate)

Criteria 3b: Prequisite subjects — which is more necessary for uni courses, English or Math?
3b. Math wins hands down — esp if im considering econs in the long run. English would “help” law and journalism but SL woudl do just fine and it is not a prerequisite. However compare a lower grade higher level math with a higher grade standard level math, which would have more value?

Overall, it’s quite a gamble on striking a balance and hopefully going beyond that. I feel some urge to draw a useless speculatory graph (which may incorporate my this year’s grades to predict a trend) I can’t really do much apart from pray and trust God in this case.

On a more saucy note, if the issue was about enjoyment vs importance, it will be like marrying a woman i don’t love only because she’s rich and is a CEO or something >< (while i get to stay at home and sleep, play xbox, read manga, watch anime and korean dramas like aunties, ferry kids from school, cook, clean and wash.)

How much i want that, is a different issue altogether =x
(oh, why is there a tag called evolution-of-gender-roles, does that mean there may be more of such tags to come?)