My brother is a good kid. My brother is a good kid relative to the bunch i had to handle today. Actually, they were a nice fun energetic bunch — overly energetic, that is. For one, my brother actually sits there to write/draw while talking to me in my/his room. More importantly, he does not climb onto my head. Incidentally, a boy his age (but most thankfully not his size) did so today.

(Brother+175% Energy Points) x20

“iruvyou iruvyou iruvyou~! ^_^”
“kyaa~! uguu~! gaou~! uhn~! No, no, no, getoff, getoff. Don’t come to me go to – ><” (truth be told, i didnt make noise..)

Despite not much being done due to an unusual unexpected unexplained change in circumstances, I had fun, I guess.

But what did I learn? I went with the intention of learning what I can do in tutoring. Most unexpectedly, I have been misinformed about the age group. (Not as if those i may help next year are *that* young) I also went with the intention of looking out for uh, CAS opportunities — to meet the hours and what not. Unlikely that such an objective was met since this thing seems mainly for weekdays where I’m jampacked cos of school…

I’m left to wonder if I’m there truly because I wish to help children or if I’m there for the hours (I don’t think I got any today) or at least personal benefit. Heck, is it considered as personal benefit if I do so because I get a Feel-Good from it? (Hmm, I recall hearing this off a certain TV show)

Whatever.

As if that matters — remember, intentions do not matter, thoughts are worthless. It is the action that counts. It does not matter why I do something, as long as I do it. (I am justifying my habit of complaining but doing the sai-kang task anyway) Giving grudgingly still has the same benefits. Murdering with a cheerful heart is still malicious. I can think that it is inhumane to eat meat, but as long as I continue to eat meat, I still support eating meat. It is the action and the consequences that matter, not the thought. Thoughts, after all, are so subjective. All I need to do is to psyche myself to look at the other angle.

The company (if there is a CEO and it is profit motivated, it is a company) I have been going to for the past four years often likes to say “God loves a cheerful giver”, therefore if don’t just give a bit, give a lot cheerfully. (or some more sweet soundingly masked line) But I’d often ask myself: wouldn’t that mean that God doesn’t love a not-cheerful giver, so if we are not cheerful, we shouldn’t give at all? Biased as i may be, I think I make more sense.

I received an sms on the -afternoon- of Christmas Eve: “Would have bought you a new sports coupe but its the thought that counts”
Hurhur, yeah well, I would have gotten a Shotgun for myself for a certain purpose , but I guess the thought is enough…

Perhaps we can even say that if one really had such a thought/want, they will do all they can to achieve it. If I say I want to watch I Am Legend and Warlords (this is for real btw) but decide to just laze around and do nothing about it — can we really say that I want to watch those two movies?

Since I have been asked to go uh do some other thing that involves my brain and time, I shan’t bother organising this muchly scatter-gunned post.

(Eh, why is there a Tag “school”, I didn’t talk about school what, as in really!)