TGIF

It disturbs me — friday is the day we all look forward to. It is the eve of the weekend — our main period of rest.

And yet, friday is the day that leaves me with the most discontentment and emptiness. For reasons I do not know. (I fear that this is almost feminine a behaviour)

How ironic it is — right before the moment we’ve been waiting for arrives, we lose interest or have a change of mood. There is no sense of closure that we were hoping to get. No sensation that we were looking forward to. How ironic.

And the cycle shortly repeats itself after the weekend.

A week spent looking forward for Friday.

(I see unintended metaphors. I’m subconsciously so good, I should be a poet)

 

Advice?

I am right now in a rather reflective mood over a number of issues — most of which have no relevance with this post. It is approximately 3am by now about an hour plus since my last convo.

One wonders: perhaps sometimes people know more than you think they do or at least more than you do. There ought to be certain things that caused people to say certain things. More often than not, its something you don’t know, but there’s always a reason for it. Even if it may be a mere coincidence or casual remark, I’d believe that inevitability has set a reason for it or at least people’s good instinct may have brought it about.

There are few rules of life (they get more and more each time) one of them is to listen to advice as much as possible. Especially from more experienced people and people who know more about certain issues.

Another rule of life: never make anyone angry. As far as possible, avoid it. Regardless of whether its expressed or bottled up — the outcome can’t be nice either way. Heck, the side of me in control right now thinks that it is highly probable that some things go against my interest to uphold this principle. Then again, I have committed some grievances as well… Obviously, this applies to all people but receiving special warnings may mean an additional caution sign. Perhaps in such instances, I should stay away… It is after all better to be safe than to be kitchenknived sorry (dumdumdum, consequences.)

But is there more to just avoiding anger? What about never wanting others to be sad? what about always wanting others to be happy? These three may be one and the same but I’d think that the last two are greater. The first about Anger Aversion is an action that seems largely driven by self interest maybe even fear. The last two are more altruistic in my opinion. I think that nobody is able to show care and concern to someone they don’t care about regardless of the benefits that may follow. No doubt benefits may follow — but they are not the main focus, it’s true care and concern.

And that surprisingly is what I am striving for. Despite how cynical or pessimistic or even pragmatic, I have come to view friends not as mere “means to various ends” or income. I believe that they are in and of themselves valuable. (I’d rather not tag any terms to it right now, knowing the bad word choice and propensity to use a word with connotations of objects)

The thing is — it’s never easy. Not that I don’t want to, but I just don’t know what to do. I’d think I’m a rather bad source of comfort. Its not that I do not sympathise, I just can’t express it. Is silently observing while present the most that I am able to do? Perhaps a prayer I can offer even.

Right at this late hour (or rather early hours in the morning),  I’ve come to see Jesus more as a friend. Someone who is for sure available in my time of need. As a person who is extremely indecisive, that seems to be essential. Heck, it’d be essential even if i was more decisive. But giving it more thought has led me to realise that we don’t only spend time with our friend’s when we are sad, we want to when we’re happy as well. We want to as much as possible.

Reflections in this post-midnight hours have given me greater insight about Jesus and Man and myself. Yet, in any case, we must be wary of those who have bad intentions. I have heard of a story of a severe backstabbing recently driven by jealousy. Often when i used the term “judas” this year (for reasons of pur efun and teasing) I mean something more like Pang-Seh or abandonment. But on a more realistic note, this should be reserved for actualy plotting and turning against someone. Yes, people like that do exist. And I trust that Jesus will open our eyes and give us wisdom to discern who may bring harm to us and who we may be able to depend on.

 

Everything is our fault.

not even our fault — my fault. (Clari: i am not emo.)

This really is in no reference to anything to happened lately, but it’s merely a note on life: if anything happens, we are to blame our individual selves. You specifically. Just you. This is especially so if we are affected by it.

It is either because we have done something wrong or we haven’t done enough to change the outcome. It’s always our fault really.

It’s not even the fault of others. Even if other people were in the hmm, same predicament and did the same thing… Even if other people are being demanding and hard to please etc. It still is our fault.

Because it doesn’t matter if it is the fault of others. We can’t do anything about other people. If we can and yet didn’t, then it’s our fault. The main issue is not about a blame game. It honestly doesn’t matter whether it was the Jews or the Romans or the World or Satan or God who killed him. There is no reason why we need to know who is at fault. There has to be a practical ramification behind every thought and philosophy.

It all boils down to what can we do. What are we able to do to change? All of us have the ability to change something. We may not be in the best of circumstances but we certainly can try to make the best of the situation. What is the most and best that we can do?

How, God, How?

And perhaps I just reached the first and most crucial part of the answer I was seeking.

 

music quiz: SHUFFLE!

IF YOUR LIFE WERE A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, iPaq etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool…

01 – OPENING CREDITS: Godfather Theme Song
(How apt, a movie song for opening credits)

02 – WAKING UP: Pandora – Madina Lake
(What kind of song is this to wake up to — it foreshadows an eerie day)

03 – FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: All That I’ve Got – The Used
(once again, whatthe heck, an emo song for the first day of school — am not too surprised tho)

04 – FALLING IN LOVE: Kentai Life Returns! – Sugita Tomokazu
(oharuhisama. wait — why Exhausting Life Returns for THIS category?)

05 – FIGHT SONG: I Will Survive – Crazy Frog
(the remix of the gloria gaynor one)

06 – BREAKING UP: One More Try – George Michael

07 – PROM: To Bid You Farewell – Opeth

08 – LIFE: All That We Needed – Plain White T’s

09 – MENTAL BREAKDOWN: Hospital – The Used
(the used again??)

10 – DRIVING: Worth Dying For – Rise Against

11 – FLASHBACK: This Celluloid Dream – A.F.I

12 – WEDDING: Cool – Gwen Stefani
(this song may fit depending on how my life warps up /facepalm)

13 – BIRTH OF CHILD: Sharing Sky – LAST ALLIANCE
(no idea — translation needed)

14 – FINAL BATTLE: Canon in D
(WHATTHE-)

15 – DEATH SCENE: It’s Your World Now – Eagles
(whose world? mine world or yours? )

16 – FUNERAL SONG: A Little Too Late – Delta Goodrem
(yes yes, either a little too late for me to do what i should have or for others)

17 – END CREDITS: Everything – Lifehouse
(sums everything up)

I actually can’t pick a favourite out of all these songs — probably All That We Needed though.

A movie’s soundtrack is meant to be random anyway. Very random. But with a movie like “LLOYD. THE MOVIE” Hell, it has a funny mix of soundtracks including uh, jap random inserts (and uh Canon in D FINAL BATTLE song ftw)

But overall, i can quite picture it already — the boring tiring life of a daily continuous routine with nothing really happening. The critics would give it a 1 star , maybe half. (it’s tempting to call it The Melancholy of…) With that in mind, i can find it understandable to want Aliens, Time Travellers and Espers to appear.

If my life was a movie, what genre would i have it to be?
Action, Romance, Horror, Mystery, Science Fiction, Comedy, Tragedy?
I don’t know. (but running away from psycho killers is not really my cup of tea)

(lol, Canon in D Final Battle Scene.) uso da

 

the currency of time

So i can spend my time reading these stack of books i have. They’re mainly econs/God related, a bit into politics/history. I don’t know where to start. I read a bit of everything and have only completed a few.
or i can spend my time trying to level up my math, which is probably most ‘useful’ or even necessary? This however is the most tedious. sigh.

or i can be going out with various people like i have been doing for the whole week

or i can watch anime which has been cut down to Two episodes a week or a movie. i still have a few unwatched ones in mind — the illusionist is waiting.

or i can read a manga — currently, i’m into detective shit, so exciting, and its a good intellectual treat

or i can waste my time on msn and the web which im trying to cut down on, pretty succesfully since my msn activity is intentionally low. Msn is (to quote diaz) “such a waste of time”

or i can even be working out… as unlikely it is for me to get out of bed (shuddup, i can hear you laughing)

heck, what do i do? And i already struck games (star ocean, tales of phantasia, final fantasy, dragoon) off the list

what do i -think- about even, i have a truckload of stuff awaiting me to plan etc…
Or even things to decide between for that matter…

And I end up stoning on my bed with nothing in mind.

FOOD!!! =D

but i won’t be sleeping, somehow.

 

The World DGAS about fairness

Fairness — a vague abstract concept, almost as abstract as the sanctity of life if you ask me. (By now, those who know me well enough should also know the meaning of DGAS well enough)

But regardless of what fairness really is, no one really cares about fairness. As in really really.

People who are getting the good end of unfairness obviously won’t care. It would be against their own self interest to degrade themselves and lose whatever benefits they have. It’s one thing to donate a small decimal portion of your salary to the poor, its another to remove half of your salary and divide it equally  with an unemployed man. No one would willingly give up any unfair advantage they have unless it is regarding something that doesnt matter to them — i.e. i dont care about losing my competitive advantage if i dont care about winning

People who *are* disadvantaged and getting the bad end of fairness don’t really care about fairness either. Yes, they do care about the situation — their situation. But their main concern isn’t about upholding fairness as a principle, it’s about self interest as well — in order to change their situation/voice their resentment, they resort to a  form of moral blackmail. If they were now given a special advantage over everyone else, would they give that opportunity away because its unfair? certainly not.

Many a times, fairness is a term that is thrown around without proper logical explanation as to what is so important about fairness. But i’ve never seen anyone who argued against the principle of fairness or even questioned the importance of fairness (okay fine ,there is one guy i know, but he’s a psycho -_-) even i know that no one will buy the argument of “there is no such thing as fairness” because fairness as a concept has a natural appeal to the human instinct.

Why?

The world was created to be is unfair to begin with. Some are created (to avoid sounding blasphemous, nowsadays anything is blasphemous even pokemon!) born smarter, others created born blind or born in a third world nation. There’s nothing we can do about fairness really. Not even a communist world (sigh) can get rid of the unfairness in birth — how some are smarter, stronger while others have a hole in their heart.

“Whose sin is it that this man is blind — his sin or his parents?” (not that i really remember the exact wording, any more exact and i’ll be accused of being blasphemous, nowsadays anything is blasphemous even pokemon!) Spastic people certainly didnt deserve to be spastic…

Maybe it’s not just that the world DGAS about fairness,
fairness DGAS about the world as well.