Total Darkness

I think i’ll have to survive trying to use the toilet in total darkness for a few days since i broke the switch.

Surprising that I have no problems — so far.

 

Guilty or not?

This is basically a response to whatever that has been discussed today. While it would be much clearer if i typed everything out, I’m far too lazy to redescribe the philosophical problem put forth.

But what if i were to say that “Heads or tails. Heads, I’ll slice your head off. Tails, I won’t kill anyone” If i happen to get heads and I do slice your head off, did i have the intent to kill? Like the snake-eyes problem, I don’t have a choice as to whether i get the snake-eyes or heads or tails. However I have a choice and intention in creating a system that links the action of a murder to something unintentional (on the premise that I do not have intent/choice over the coin toss)

Otherwise, can we allow society and its criminals to claim that they had no intent just by doing a coin toss before every murder they commit?

 

The Dilemma (part three)

After submitting the Subject Options Form, I am now in the usual math vs english dilemma for the third time. The first and more recent second time has led to math winning and me filling it in the form.

On the criteria of Usefulness, Math is ruled to be more useful in terms of opening options especially for uni in Econs. On the other hand, the other side of me would like to point out that it might be unnecessarily too useful and link it to my Effort-Results Curve philosophy of the Optimal Efficiency. It would also argue that the usefulness of math is predicated on the assumption that I will do well in it otherwise it is as good as useless anyway — which leads to the criteria of achieving the higher score but we’ll get to that later.

One must consider the long term implications of the options in order to guage “usefulness”; in other words, the underlying question to be considered here is — to what extent is it necessary to be useful in keeping options open? Some things are ruled out for sure such as engineering. The only assholic thing i might take that requires math is economics. One side of me would say that economics might have a high chance of being taken up, so it is better to leave the options open especially when political science and law aren’t exactly thriving in singapore. It’s just not in the nature of people to sue. The other side would say that economics can be done using SL math (i.e. NUS) and even if economics requires HL math, I shouldn’t be doing it anyway! Not to mention the alternatives of pol sci and law which i may enjoy more! DOng something I enjoy may give me a greater meaning of life considering that i am not one who has high expectations of luxuries like big house, big car, yacht etc.

On the criteria of Maximum Score, English has a better track record for the whole year with the underlying logic of how it complements my natural skill sets i.e. how there is a greater oral component and how it is essay and not equation based. This is contrasted with my weaker track record for math especially the coursework. On the other hand, the other side of me would point out that English has a greater tendency to be subjective and fluctuate (both david and i have eaten the worse end before) Also math becomes more stable once practising till a certain point of excellence.

Having seen the clash between the more important issues and how they almost totally negate each other, what is left are the more peripheral side issues such as:

Classmates — tying in to the larger picture of the pragmatic criteria: what is best for me? (i have earlier clarified friends out of the issue since i believe that class is no boundary. Heck, i even have friends from rj/hc what) Currently, the Math combi will mean a repetition of whatever i have gone through for the past two years, not very nice or even conducive. The English combi will probably have the geps whom i am more friendly/familiar with. Someone raised the (probably valid) point on Overshadowing. This point is moot looking at the people in class either way. Plus overshadowing because of the presence of other good people may not necessarily be true. This is because it may raise the overall marks of the class as a whole. It is much like how a bad debate can pull down everyone’s scores. Proof: I did survive history and lang arts (both papers and presentatiions) even tho they were marked by the same markers at the end of the year.

Teachers — this one is really small. But I am hoping to get one certain teacher for history. I am hoping the other teachers are good also which made require me to sit through lessons for a week or two (and illegally, skip class to attend the other class’ lesson >< This is hardly advisable ) Since this one is MEANT to be negligible i hope either option will not affect this criteria.

ssenevisicedniymrofdevomersllabymevahotthguoi

On all of the questions mentioned, I am unable to come up with a clear answer. It must be the fault of how i am trained that i am able to believe in any side of an issue and substantiate it.

What is left apart from the reasoning is instinct, in which case, i will probably take english instead.

All i can do now is to pray. Father, I know my future is in your hands. Come to think of it, no matter what i take the difference in Long Term Outcome is probably trivial. I have come to realise that most of our choices are, but nevertheless are stil things to choose between.

What I propose: observe how class is for the a period of time and see which i am more comfortable in.

 

New year resolutions

Two things i should take note of:
1. I earlier thought that I could post christmas wishes and new year resolutions together since both were about what i wanted. Then I realised that they were different, since christmas wishes are usually beyond your control and are material whereas new year resolutions are about what you can do for yourself
2. I spent the first hour of my new year doing resolutions as in UN kind. Literally, producing new year resolutions. A bit sneaky since the given issues are more broad and its easier to cater to CMB anyway.

Come to think of it, i have no idea what I would have wanted for Christmas — maybe apart from a box of chocolates, perhaps merci (thanks to Miss Siva the other day). I’m sure there was something material I wanted as I sat on the train home, I can’t remember for now — was it the seasons 2 and 3 of Boston Legal or was it something else? As for New Year Resolutions:

1. I will not lie. I will become more honest
2. I will not be indecisive. I will be faster in deciding
3. I will not steal, manipulate others for my cause, cheat, blackmail, destroy/create evidence
   — anything else a lawyer does basically.
4. I will not be lazy or procrastinate. I will work hard.
5. I will spend less time on the com because I think it is a waste of time
6. I will do my AaD and my Lordwist daily
7. I will allocate time wisely i.e. all my subjects and social life and sleep and research
8. I will be honest and direct and hide less. I will say whatever that comes to my mind.
9. I will be less antisocial. I will not “dao” people
10. I will be smarter and more humble. (a bit hard to get any smarter or humbler but well….)

Now to write these Ten things into stone. New year resolutions are MEANT to be broken anyway — much like the ten laws. I can’t understand why people will bother — much like how i can’t understand why people try for perfection when it is impossible to be perfect. It’s my first time bothering with a new year resolution btw. Of course I’ll try with some effort la…They’re all good aims anyway, just without a clear detailed methodological plan as to how it will happen (ah i remember this from Friday).

Oh, and I wish to grow closer to God and read my bible and pray more.

 

Family BOND-

Two twisted policies to deal with Iraq (probably mutually exclusive but may be otherwise)

1. Compulsory Mass Intermarriage (C.M.I.) — to prevent ethnic conflict make everyone this giant family. With a new race of shiasunnikurds, you get true blue iraqis. No more ethnic strife, in the long term at least. And ah, I just say “marriage” to make it sound nicer.

2. The formation of Qaedastan — Oh, The Qaeda is in the west? Give them a state in the West of Iraq. Claim that its the new holy land for their organisation. And it shall be the new place for testing US nuclear weapons.

Yeah yeah, I already know the heck load of the potential problems with both ideas. But damn, it sure is appealing.

The week seems so long and yet seems to have passed so fast. I’ve been going out daily for the whole week despite saying something about wanting to rest at home and just read my book — turns out that I’ve lost drive for now with reading. Talking to a certain someone may very well start to screw me up ><

A swimmer?! Now I’m interested…

 

It is the thought that counts

My brother is a good kid. My brother is a good kid relative to the bunch i had to handle today. Actually, they were a nice fun energetic bunch — overly energetic, that is. For one, my brother actually sits there to write/draw while talking to me in my/his room. More importantly, he does not climb onto my head. Incidentally, a boy his age (but most thankfully not his size) did so today.

(Brother+175% Energy Points) x20

“iruvyou iruvyou iruvyou~! ^_^”
“kyaa~! uguu~! gaou~! uhn~! No, no, no, getoff, getoff. Don’t come to me go to – ><” (truth be told, i didnt make noise..)

Despite not much being done due to an unusual unexpected unexplained change in circumstances, I had fun, I guess.

But what did I learn? I went with the intention of learning what I can do in tutoring. Most unexpectedly, I have been misinformed about the age group. (Not as if those i may help next year are *that* young) I also went with the intention of looking out for uh, CAS opportunities — to meet the hours and what not. Unlikely that such an objective was met since this thing seems mainly for weekdays where I’m jampacked cos of school…

I’m left to wonder if I’m there truly because I wish to help children or if I’m there for the hours (I don’t think I got any today) or at least personal benefit. Heck, is it considered as personal benefit if I do so because I get a Feel-Good from it? (Hmm, I recall hearing this off a certain TV show)

Whatever.

As if that matters — remember, intentions do not matter, thoughts are worthless. It is the action that counts. It does not matter why I do something, as long as I do it. (I am justifying my habit of complaining but doing the sai-kang task anyway) Giving grudgingly still has the same benefits. Murdering with a cheerful heart is still malicious. I can think that it is inhumane to eat meat, but as long as I continue to eat meat, I still support eating meat. It is the action and the consequences that matter, not the thought. Thoughts, after all, are so subjective. All I need to do is to psyche myself to look at the other angle.

The company (if there is a CEO and it is profit motivated, it is a company) I have been going to for the past four years often likes to say “God loves a cheerful giver”, therefore if don’t just give a bit, give a lot cheerfully. (or some more sweet soundingly masked line) But I’d often ask myself: wouldn’t that mean that God doesn’t love a not-cheerful giver, so if we are not cheerful, we shouldn’t give at all? Biased as i may be, I think I make more sense.

I received an sms on the -afternoon- of Christmas Eve: “Would have bought you a new sports coupe but its the thought that counts”
Hurhur, yeah well, I would have gotten a Shotgun for myself for a certain purpose , but I guess the thought is enough…

Perhaps we can even say that if one really had such a thought/want, they will do all they can to achieve it. If I say I want to watch I Am Legend and Warlords (this is for real btw) but decide to just laze around and do nothing about it — can we really say that I want to watch those two movies?

Since I have been asked to go uh do some other thing that involves my brain and time, I shan’t bother organising this muchly scatter-gunned post.

(Eh, why is there a Tag “school”, I didn’t talk about school what, as in really!)

 

Try harder!

No doubt I have created (muchly unintentionally due to a severe misinterpretation) a big hoo-ha over lunch. Experience tells me that excitement dies down within a week, there are however some Long Run questions posed require a lot more rigourous thought processes from me.

But that was not the main focus of the day that got me thinking. It was dwarfed by whatever that followed *after* I left. It is most unfortunate that I am not allowed to make mention because of its uh, high level of confidentiality and privacy involved. Then again, not as if I’ll post something descriptive involving people anyway.

The event (and side discussion in the afternoon) has led me to consider Lloyd’s Effort-Results Curve again.

1. If Results/Effort gradient < 1, the effort is not worth it
2. Occasionally there is no correlation between effort and results.

To discount those two arguments, one has to be determined to get what one wants such that a Results/Effort gradient is <1 is still worth it. On an even more extreme level, a Short Run Results/Effort gradient of <0 is worth continuing with hope that in the Long Run things will change. In addition to that, one has to be idealist and hopeful that there is a correlation between Results and Effort. Above all, they are sure about what they want. If you ask me (the curve maker), some people just have more “hope”, more determination, more brave but may not necessarily change anything. I could possibly use an example to explain but that’d be revealing too much at other’s expense.

On the other hand, we have the lazy people who’ll sit back and let life happen to them (whom a certain someone can’t stand ><) — who might be having a comparatively better situation with greater potential provided they tried.

The thing is: we lack information. We really won’t know what the outcome is. We most certainly won’t know what the other cards that are being played are. In fact, we wouldn’t know what exactly the Results/Efforts slope is. Thus basing down to whether or not a person is risk averse or risk-preferring.

What we need is a MaoGeass/crystal ball God’s help. We may not have all the information but God does. We may not have all the Power and ability to set the Inevitables but God does. After all, we may not be sure sometimes if we really want what we want in the long run. Talk about the Tragedy of Life, that of getting what you want and regretting it. If anything, I think that God makes a better decision than me. (dare you dispute this)

But I digress, I am no doubt impressed (by mere observation) in the large amounts of effort and resources and time put in for what I’d consider to be a situation that doesn’t look good already. Honestly, honestly, impressed. Because I wonder what I would have done in that situation…naught?

Right now it is 4am, I’ve had four hours of sleep and I will hopefully get more in the afternoon after I come home. ALso, I have been very annoyed with my rashes on my chest/shoulder that I have to take my concoction of orange juice and green tea with mashed apples and milk. It’s quite mild already if you ask me. I’ve had worse. I’ll probably stay up till sunrise to compile the FS for friday.

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” says Winston Churchill. I’d say get out.

 

Psalms 22

I was reading psalms 22 and I was amused at the number of references that the Psalmist David made to the work of Jesus on the cross. Psalms 22 in case you didnt know comes right before the often quoted psalms 23. (Lucky Star makes one receptive to references) Admittedly, some parts may be considered as over-reading

22:1 “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

22:10 “From birth I was cast upon you, from my mother’s womb you have been my God”

22:14 “I am poured out like water…”

22:16 “a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet”

22:18 “They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing”

22:31 “They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn – -for he has done it”

It is finished!

Amazing how this can be written so long before the real event itself happened. The Psalmist was praising Jesus long before he came! There’s probably even more meaning to it.

No doubt — not much reflection can be put into words here but showing a passage that may not be read by some is like the daily sending of one artic-

 

Destroy your alarm clock!

you men of little faith!

I heard this rather faith preacher lately (whom some, esp the more senior ones, consider rather extreme) — trust God to wake you up every morning, don’t bother with an alarm clock.

The reason why I wouldn’t do away with my alarm clock is very simple: I do not think that I will be awoken for the simple reason that God probably knows that I *need* the sleep. I am hoping to get 7hours a night ideally next year though. (and it’s 2am now already)

But let’s extend a bit of logic — we wouldn’t need to lock our doors either (which I wouldn’t mind), or even get insurance. Insurance after all is a waste of money to those who have enough confidence that they won’t get some disease or have their house burnt down.

Giving it some thought — I think why not? (despite being personally risk averse) I’m personally no gambler, but could it be argued that if you try preparing for a rainy day — the rainy day may come? I’ll need to give the issue a bit more thought.

But I don’t think i have much faith in the system of insurance. It is not in the interest of insurance companies to be giving out so much money as compared to collecting money from clients. I’d personally think that as much as they would try to uphold an image of trying their best to do all they can (which can be achieved via advertising), they will in reality try to cut down on costs – -the main cost being payouts to clients. The internal conflict of interest by a profit-motivated company is just too great. Their interest is most obviously to cut costs and maximise profits, not help people. Pardon this very cynical point of view — but I think that insurance companies and its agents like all people do want to earn as much money as possible.

If profit motive was a bad thing, why not have the a larger, more powerful body that udepends on taxes and not payment to oversee it? I’d have to give it more thought.

On a side note, it is Strange that while having property burnt down is at a lower probability and lower magnitude of harm than getting run over by a car, people still jaywalk anyway but buy property insurance.

Back on the issue of Safety Nets and what extent I’d apply them. I’d have to think more about it and consult people who are wiser and more senior to find out their thoughts. I shall do so later today. It may very well place them in an interesting dilemma as well hehe. But for now, Im setting the alarm clock for 8am.

btw, I really have a smashed up alarm clock in my drawer.

 

The damn TV (it emos!)

My mum decided to scrap Cable. The art of subtle manipulation succeeds once again. On the other hand it may be ineffective in taking so long. For long I’ve been saying that cable just isn’t worth it. I never did like watching TV. I never did watch. I thought it pointless. To me, it is only worth it if the whole family (and as many people as possible) get to watch it for more than half the day at least (for as long as possible). The cost of that may be frightening — electricity, deproving grades, lowered productivity and the list goes on. The main focus here is on the damaging values TV spreads (particularly, but not limited to, Channel 8 TV series) Of course it isnt all bad, don’t be ridiculous and tell me that news/the Wheel of Fortune don’t have these effects. I am talking about the specific genre of drama that tries to portray reality. It often has a spice of romance to it.

My point of view is that TV introduces an adult world with adult value of what adults do to children leading them to have an urge for relationships (no, not sechs yet). Any form of attraction or even friendliness from the opposite gender is branded by the child as “crush”/romance. (After all, it is a fine line between the two.) Maybe the sex that the TV throws across does not leads directly to more promiscuity. People starting relationships earlier while not mature enough is the cause. Over the years, there has been an increase in tv viewership by children, this is rising with the number of relationships that start from a younger age and the increase in pre-marital sex. If people start having a relationship earlier, they have longer to wait till a marriable age. Perhaps there may not be a link between seeing and doing, but this isn’t about influence. It’s about introducing ideas that children are not ready for which they will associate what happens in the real world with what the tv shows.

Wait wait, I take the previous paragraph back: a later marrying age has led to more pre-marital sex. Considering people’s hormones are most active at 13+ and they used to get married then… oh well, social norms have changed, especially with the need to become educated and work. Well! We can’t do anything about a later marrying age, we can only remove the factor of tv! TV IS EVIL.

Should we bubble wrap our kids? No, but there is no need to expose them to toxins in the name of developing their maturity. It can happen naturally and gradually in the same way people discovered the real world without television. In fact, by blocking off tv, we’re not bubble wrapping our kids from reality, we’re bubble wrapping them from a form of reality that the TV prescribes — even if you say its not perverse in and of it self, kids just aren’t ready yet.

But apart from kids, the whole idea of Wrist Slashing has been promoted. It shows people the wrong ways of coping with depression all in the name of drama. No doubt, they may happen in the real world. But tv popularises it. It shows more people a way of dealing with a problem — wrist slashing happens to be one of them.

Then again, maybe promoting wrist slashing is a GOOD alternative to jumping off buildings or slashing downwards from the wrist to the elbow (which is more deadly). This assumes that the people who cut their wrists would otherwise be far more suicidal– which is unlikely.

In any case I think that wrist slashing is stupid and pointless and carried out by fumbducks. I have no sympathy really unless you stop. If someone came up to you and slashed your wrist, you have every drop of sympathy from me.
If you slash yourself, you’re a fumbduck.

“Augh, I’m in emotional pain! Let me add to it by causing physical pain!”
*slashittyslashslash*
“Owwwww….it hurts. owwww….. lemme convince myself that my heart feels better!”
“Oh *(#&, BLOOD! BLOOD! omgomgomg!” *presses tissue*
“my friends can’t see me like that — i need a watch to cover it up”
“aw crud, i slashed my left hand, that means i have to wear my watch on the WRONG hand”
/face palm.

Oh go ahead and justify why slashing your wrist is ok, but please get a life after that – -and more importantly, i hope you stop. Self-hurt without pleasure is a dumb way of solving one’s problems.

On another note, i think people aren’t seeking help for wrist slitting because it may very well end up as a police case. shrugs.

Instead, i propose watching cartoons as the uber alternative! How emo can cartoons get, how depressing can cartoons get. Will cartoons promote ideas about romance or harem? Will cartoons encourage polygamy or harem? Will cartoons tell viewers that kitchenkniving each other as an end?

Uhh…..
Even if they do, there’s too great a fantasy element and its distinct from real-life! It’s not by real people! Sure, people can tell that robots running around or being able to LOAD SILVER CARTRIDGE is fake. There will not be a mix of values >< And it serves as a form of escapism!

Don’t slit your wrist, get addicted to a cartoon series or anything else. Addiction is a good thing, it removes suicidal tendencies.